Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
