I'm eating all of the evidence.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
