Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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