got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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