Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
