bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
