Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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