If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
