So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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