Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
