I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
