i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I love you. Go after that dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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