Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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