i think i have herpe
just one?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
