I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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