All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
