So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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