..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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