So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
