I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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