If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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