no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
