Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
