We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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