I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
