mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just forgot I was standing up.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
