We won't sleep together?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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