I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
