dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
