I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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