Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How naked do you want me to be?
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