no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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