U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
