im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's never too late to be topless.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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