I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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