Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
