party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
