I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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