I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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