Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
