I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
