FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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