i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
