listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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