So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
