what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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