i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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