There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
