Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
