dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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