i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
