The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
