sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
