I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
