if only i could text you this smell
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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