he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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