I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
