you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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