I didn't shave. On purpose
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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