he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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