Having a random hookup so left but love u
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
