the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
