So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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